Today is a day on the job. I have nothing of value to share, nor do I ever.
Today the female child dressed like a crazy person. It is mismatched day at school, and oh boy was she mismatched. I found myself snickering at her behind her back– only to remember that she did this on purpose. I can laugh at her to her face. This change of function is overwhelming, and confusing.
I would never actually laugh at my children behind their backs.
Actually I would, and I do. Then I make them fix whatever I am laughing at. The lesson for them is that one should not take life too seriously. Or it is that their mommy is awkward, cynical, sarcastic, and rude? I’ve never been great at teaching lessons. Or at illustrating points. I greatly hope that they are so used to me that they do not even notice. They are also slightly odd. Mamma’s little weirdos.
Then I get to work.
To my amazement, meathead #3 brought in rather church-picnic-like spread of tastefully simple delicacies. He also brought in the catalog– should we want to order of course. This might sound wonderful, however there are a few problems with this situation.
1. Why is meathead #3 involved with Tastefully Simple
2. These things are likely poisoned. They hate me. It could be for the things that I hope my weirdos do not notice about me, or it could be because I call them meatheads. It’s neither here nor there.
3. I am on a diet. You stupid meatheads. Don’t bring your luxurious home party hoopla in my presence. Malarchy!
4. If these things are not poisoned, they likely have steroids in them. I swear I saw meathead #1 injecting meathead #2 in the posterior. It looks like Spicy Peppercorn dip, but it is actually anabolic steroids. The last thing I need is ‘roid rage. I think I already have it actually.
5. The warehouse smells like used kitty litter. That has nothing to do with the tastefully simple. Or does it?
These are the reasons why this nonsense will not stand.