Monthly Archives: November 2013

I’m just narcissistic enough…

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I am just narcissistic enough to think that it is relevant to post things that annoy the living shizz out of me.  Seriously.  I am selfish.  Although this list is not all inclusive, it will suffice as a start.

Get ready.

1. Stickers on facebook.  They are cheesy.  They are annoying.  They are dumb.  I was the last person on earth to use emoticons, and I still cringe every time I use texting language (such as LOL).  To be completely transparent, I only put LOL whenever i can’t think of anything else to say.  Feel rejected when I use it.  REJECTS (LOL)!

 

2. People who post their feelings on facebook.  No one gives a shizz if you are feeling determined, undermined, annoyed, blissful or euphoric.  Actually, tons of people care.  Just not me.  Thanks facebook, your new crap is SUPER annoying.

3.  What movie you are watching– again, why this feature facebook?

I just learned that maybe I should stick to twitter only.

 

On further note:

4. Passive aggressive people. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and move one.  Your insecurities are yours.  Not mine.  Move forward! 

5.  Owl’s eyes.  They freak me out.

6.  Stubbing my toe.  Also, smashing my hip bones against countertops.

7.  Misuse of homonyms.  Just punch me in the face.  I feel like your misuse of homonyms do every single time.

8.  I find it extremely annoying that I cannot walk around punching people in the throat, and saying swear words.  What the crap. 

9.  Emails and pictures with cute animals.  I am a soulless woman.

10.  Christmas music. It’s so repetitive.  It instantly drives me over the cliff. 

11. Anyone else picking the music besides myself.  I have problems. 

12.  The Kardashian’s voices.  That should be #1.  There is no actual relevance to the order of this list.

13.  Commercials on youtube.  They can go (insert swear word) themselves.

14. People reading over my shoulder.  People watching me work over my shoulder.  People in general.

15.  People who complain or make comments about their weight, and do NOTHING about it.  

16.  Brown nosers/two faced coworkers.  

17.  paper cuts.  

18.  PDA.  Gagggggggggggggg

19.  People eating.  Or at least the sound of people eating.  Especially potato chips.  

20. Teenagers.  

A little Tattoo never hurt a classy lady-

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*Disclaimer-  You may find this cheesy, but a lot of thought went into this over a long period of time, and it is real. 

Many of you, my imaginary readers, know that I am in the middle of a super fun divorce.  Part of what I just said is a lie– I do have some real readers.  Oh, and my divorce is not fun.  Not at all.  It sucks spectacular __________… well it just sucks.  I hate, hate, HATE, to do cliche things, but since everything has been done, and done to death these days, cliche is impossible to avoid.

I did it.

I got a divorce tattoo.  

Not any tattoo, but a tattoo inspired by a song.  

Not any song, but the song that inspired me to release my bitchy bitterness.

I will stop typing in fragmented paragraphs now.

I have been planning this glitzy glamorous tattoo since I left my husband.  He was strongly opposed to his wife getting a tattoo whilst we were married.  He forbade me to. Argued with me.  Told me that they look trashy on girls.  Each time I would mention getting one, he would cringe and make a repulsed noise.  The hypocrisy of his reaction lied deep within the fact that he himself has a tattoo across his back.  The irony of his tattoo is that it says, “Family Values” over a cross.  Family values?  Seriously?  Either you were obsessed with the 90’s rock band Korn, or you really can’t see your own back, therefore you have completely forgotten that you put a phrase such as Family Values on yourself.  Maybe you should have gotten it on your chest.  Or your face.  Or your eyelids.  There is a possibility that someone who lies and cheats, threatens, and controls values their family.  Just kidding.  There is no possibility.  Your tattoo lies.

Anyway– I had this tattoo planned.  It was so pretty in my head, it had three birds flying away from a cage, and they were to represent myself, and my two children, and our new found freedom from a controlling, manipulating, troll of a husband.  It was going to be wonderful.

but bitter.

Bitterness would rest on my wrist for an eternity, because the image I had planned stemmed from the bitterness I felt.

Thank God I waited a year.  

That tattoo I decided upon was inspired by a Cinematic Orchestra song called, To Build a Home.  Here is a link to the lovely song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bt6WnJeHpCU.  

Art is about meaning, right?  It is open to how you see it, and how it effects you.  This song impacted me.  The lyrics speak of building a home, and a life together.  Planting seeds together, watching life grow and change.  After nine years of marriage, I can honestly say that I put my all into those things.  

And just as the song says, it all turned to dust.  It disappeared from me, and from him.  

Where I released my bitterness was in the beauty of the last verses of the songs.  The song speaks of climbing a tree in the garden that they planted the seeds in together, which absolutely represents the life we had worked so hard to cultivate.  The experiences we had, the adventures we took, the things we learned, and the people we became, those are the seeds we planted.  

And I climbed the tree to see the world. 

The gusts, which will come around through the divorce, the gusts that try to change who you are, discourage you, make you second guess yourself, but challenge you to hold on tightly, and become stronger.  The gust tried to blow me down many times throughout the first year.  It has been the most difficult year of my life, and it is still not over.  Although my husband did terrible things, and needs serious help, we had good years.  We were happy once.  Those are the times I want to remember.  I want to be strong, not bitter.  My lines are drawn with him, but now I am truly ready to move on.  My tattoo is representative of that.  

I will add a pretty picture when it heals.  

 

The lyrics:

There is a house built out of stone
Wooden floors, walls and window sills
Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust
This is a place where I don’t feel alone
This is a place where I feel at home.

And I built a home
for you
for me

Until it disappeared
from me
from you

And now, it’s time to leave and turn to dust……..

Out in the garden where we planted the seeds
There is a tree as old as me
Branches were sewn by the color of green
Ground had arose and passed its knees

By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top
I climbed the tree to see the world
When the gusts came around to blow me down
Held on as tightly as you held onto me
Held on as tightly as you held onto me……

And I built a home
for you
for me

Until it disappeared
from me
from you

And now, it’s time to leave and turn to dust……..